Summer

We are now living in a world where, unfortunately, MANIPULATION IS EVERYWHERE. To become a Futureproof Human, we need to learn to spot when this is happening so that we do not become a victim to it. A key part of becoming immune to manipulation is being able to see it, and once you are able to do this, it becomes obvious and easy to avoid…

Manipulation is mainly about control. It can come from many different people in our lives, from a parent, a partner, a friend, a boss right through to our governments. With the media, whether that is the mainstream media or social media, you can be devastatingly manipulated by people that are not even in the same room as you.

Many of the people or organisations who try to manipulate us come from the ‘Cluster B’ spectrum of personality types which are the narcissist, sociopath/psychopath, borderline and histrionic. At this point in time, we are mainly seeing the narcissist and sociopathic types operating in our society.

So, what are the signs that you are being manipulated?

IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

When you stop to examine the facts that you are being told they just don’t add up. These facts seem to contradict themselves and any actions or suggestions made don’t seem to fit with what that person is saying. It is just plain illogical.

YOU FEEL IT IN YOUR GUT

Something just doesn’t feel right in your gut (or intuition). Our body is designed to send us all sorts of signals if it feels we are under threat. It is just part of the human survival system. So, if what you are being told makes you feel: nauseous, skin crawling, uneasy, confused, hunted, tense, panicky, faster heartbeat, hard to breathe, even though it all seems ok on the surface, then you are being targeted. As they say, “If you feel like you are being shafted, you probably are”.

YOU SENSE YOU ARE BEING ‘GASLIGHTED’

The term Gaslighting comes from a 1938 play called Gaslight which is about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane. Manipulators will often use techniques that get you to doubt your own memory and sense of reality and you may start to think you are going mad. The aim is to confuse and disorient you so that they can maintain control. For example, they definitely say that they will meet you on Saturday but when you bring it up later, they backtrack and say, “No, silly, I said Sunday. I’m busy Saturday.” This sounds fairly minor but if it happens often enough you begin to doubt yourself and it scrambles your mind.

MOVING GOALPOSTS

Another way to scramble peoples’ minds and disorientate them is to continually move the goalposts. This is when the manipulator keeps changing the rules in a situation in order to gain an advantage for themselves. This can make you feel that you are never good enough and that you have to keep trying to ‘get it right’. This is exhausting for the person who is trying to meet the goals and very deflating. A tired and deflated person is easy to control.

USING FEAR TO CONTROL YOU

When a person experiences continuous fear it affects their ability to think straight. We are designed for short bursts of adrenaline (like running away from a predator) but being buffeted by constant waves of fear almost drugs us. In this state it is hard for us to hear our Pre-frontal Cortex, which is the rational, problem-solving part of our brain so we become highly suggestible and vulnerable. If a person or an organisation is encouraging you to feel unreasonable fear, too much or too often, they probably have a manipulation agenda.

SEAMLESS LYING AND DENIAL

Sociopaths and narcissists are absolutely stunning in their ability to lie. Even if you are pretty good at being able to spot a liar, it is hard to tell with an accomplished manipulator. Usually when a genuine human being lies, they can give themselves away with subtle verbal clues and body language but when sociopaths lie, there is none of that. The reason is they have convinced themselves that what they are saying is true. This is the same for denial. They can stand in front of you and deny something that just happened, but you won’t see them miss a beat.

RECRUITING OTHERS TO ATTACK YOU

Skilled manipulators will often recruit other people to attack you, especially when they feel that they are losing control of you. This is known as ‘flying monkeys’ and comes from the children’s book, ‘The Wizard of Oz’. In this book the wicked witch stays in her tower but sends her group of flying monkeys to attack Dorothy when she is on the yellow brick road. In real life, the manipulator may try to turn other people against you. This can happen on a political scale too such as when the Nazis turned people against the Jews.

THEY TALK IN ‘WORD SALAD’

Just like a garden salad, word salad has a lot of different things in the same bowl. When the manipulator speaks in word salad, they often throw in a lot of circular arguments, denials, tangents and generally random sentences. This is done to confuse you and fudge the situation, especially if they want to cover up what they are really doing. The British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is particularly good at this.

THEY CUT YOU OFF FROM OTHER PEOPLE

You may not notice it at first but, eventually, it dawns on you that you are being cut off from anyone else that isn’t the manipulator. Sometimes it may be very subtle and other times the manipulator will be outright about it. This is because, not only do you feel more vulnerable if you are isolated, they also don’t want you speaking to other people who might help you to see their game.

LOVE BOMBING

At the beginning of a relationship the narcissist/sociopath may absolutely bomb you with love and you feel euphoric. This will be taken away as time goes on which leaves you desolate, like your drug has been withdrawn, and you do anything to get it back. However, the love bombing may reappear if you start to wake up and look like you are going to get away so that they can reel you back in again.

THEY USE GUILT TO CONTROL YOU

You are made to feel guilty for having your own boundaries and needs. You may also be guilted if you just don’t do what they want (you horrible person). Even just questioning the situation, which you are perfectly entitled to do, will cause them to get upset or angry and they will encourage you to see yourself as the ‘baddie’.

THEY BLIND YOU WITH SCIENCE

The manipulator may try and blind you with facts and figures about the situation. Scientific or technical language and data, that may or may not be correct, can be used in a confusing way.

 

But Don’t Despair…

But don’t despair. Once you become familiar with these tactics, they become very obvious, and you can skilfully steer your way around these people and organisations. And, if you do still have to interact with them, you can do it in a way that stops you from becoming their victim. Sometimes, watching them do their dance can be quite entertaining! However, ideally, you would spend as little time as possible with people like this as it is draining, and you deserve better.

Here are some people you can check out on YouTube who give good advice on how to deal with the sociopaths and narcissists that walk our world today:

 

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional although I have done a lot of research on work presented by people who are medical professionals. However, this information is for education only, it is not prescriptive, and should be used at your own discretion.

Photo by  Nicholas Kusuma and Nghia Le on Unsplash